Sometimes

There are times where I feel as if I let myself regress to the point where all the changes I've managed to make don't even matter. There are days where I say things I don't mean and that don't make sense to me and feel as if it wasn't even me that said them. Not even mean things or things said out of anger. They just out of character and I'm sure I'm the only one that notices them. Those words that feel so foreign as they lick and rub my against teeth escaping from my throat.
I don't feel like myself sometimes, for seconds at a time that's all, but that's all it takes. I can't be the only one fighting with myself to be a better person, to make the right decisions, to mind how others feel. I don't want to go back to who I was for the majority of 2008. It wasn't me, it was some ghost I let take over and drag me through the trenches. I'm aware of my faults and every day I have to remind myself that change can be permanent and that regression isn't necessary. I'm so happy with my life right now, but it's those seconds throughout the day, remnants of what I used to be, that keep me up some nights and haunt me while I sleep.

In lighter, less meaningful news, Night at the Museum p. II sucked. Don't watch it. Though, it was nice to see Nicole and Stephanie.

goodnite readers